I
went in for my third attempt--an IVF because it was a fresh donor egg opposed
to a frozen egg, on July 17th!
I tried to remain distantly optimistic after the
first two losses. Emotionally it has become overwhelming. I can't believe that I
have persevered emotionally. Physically, my body is shot to shit because of the
fluctuation in hormones--don't forget that when we are getting ready for a
transfer--FET or IVF, building the lining is key. The way we do this is by
shooting me up with Estradiol and Progesterone. The shots start a daily a few
weeks prior and continue until 10 weeks in to pregnancy. I have never made it
that far, so I wouldn't know.
Anyhow,
my emotions are rampant and unbearable--I do not know what to do with myself on
most days. I feel extreme highs and even more drastic lows. I cry all of the
time. I was watching Finding Nemo and was balling--it the resolution. I was
surfing through an episode of Hoarders and lost it. Dangerous times in my
household. The lovar has been as support as he can be, but he stays quiet most
of the time. Poor guy!
And
so, I pray that these two embryos will grow into my babies.
God,
I have dreamed about it for so long now that it doesn't even seem possible.
